What living in Japan has taught me

Actually, these aren't lessons I learned from Japan as such, but rather lessons learned as a result of living isolated in a foreign culture.

1. Good friends are worth the effort.
Ever had a friend you really really like but don't feel especially close to for whatever reasons are keeping you apart? Maybe they're a long drive away. Maybe they seem to have a lot of other stuff going on in their lives. Maybe you're just not sure how to open up a D&M conversation with them. Or whatever. In these cases, you can expect that your friendship will remain a surface one until one or both of you takes the plunge and makes the effort to get together. Good relationships take time and effort. It can be a risky emotional investment but it's like the financial variety -- high risk, high returns. Closely related to this is:

2. You can't really have a close friendship with someone until you've shared some of the raw, deep and intimately personal experiences of life.
I've had the honour of developing two special friendships during my time in Japan. One of them has been on-line only, nevertheless we now know stuff about each other that either nobody else knows, or at least very few other people know. I consider this woman one of my best friends. The other friend is M, who I've mentioned a few times in passing on this blog. M was very helpful to me in the lead-up to Elliott's birth (poor thing; how could she have ever predicted that she'd meet a crazy Australian who would take her on a grand adventure into the world of freebirthing?), and even more so afterwards when I needed practical support for adjusting to life as mother of two. Later I was able to return the favour in a rather unexpected way; M had a miscarriage, and was able to lean on me for the emotional support she needed to wait out the agonising four weeks between learning that her baby had died and actually having the miscarriage. Her other choice was to have surgery, which she feels she surely would have done, and then regretted, if it hadn't been for my support. After her experience, our friendship took on a palpable new quality, and then when my life fell apart in the last two months of our stay she was there for me in a way I wouldn't have felt comfortable to ask for before. (There's not too many people I'd feel OK to sleep in front of while they watch my kids as well as their own.) Until the last two or three years of my life I've never felt like I had any close friends, but I'm learning to let go of the issues which have historically prevented me from getting close to people, and the result is already so rewarding (see #1).

3. Live church services really are a blessing.
I think this is one of those lessons I already knew in theory, but having lived the reality, I truly understand now. Most of the time on Sabbaths we downloaded sermons off our church's website. Sometimes we were able to hook up to a live church service back home, and we always enjoyed this opportunity to feel a little more involved. But nothing beats actually being there. A human connection is always better than an electronic one. I have a new appreciation of the verse about "not forsaking the assembling of yourselves together" now.

4. It's not better or worse, it's just different.
I must admit that this is one I have to keep reminding myself of, since I left Japan still finding some of its habits kinda irritating, but anyway: So often we can look down on what other cultures do when their practices seem awkward, difficult, inconsistent, gross or just plain weird. Most of the time, though, I think it's just that our comfort zone is being challenged. I started learning this lesson on the very first day we arrived here. We were at Tokyo station and I was busting for a pee. I found some women's toilets and to my mild discomfort realised they were all the squat variety. I had never actually used a squat toilet before, but I was desperate and knew it wasn't worth the effort to go looking for a "Western-style" toilet. So I used it, and it really wasn't that bad. Some weeks later I had to make use of another one and was delighted to discover they're even easier to use when you face the right direction (towards the flush, not away from it). These days squat toilets don't faze me in the slightest. I don't prefer them, but neither do I deliberately avoid them. They're not better or worse, just different. Same deal applies to most things.

Izu-Mito Sea Paradise

About three kilometres down the road from Awashima Marine Park is another aquarium and marine park called Izu-Mito Sea Paradise. It's bigger and a little more slick than Awashima; consequently it costs more to get in (1900 yen per adult at the time of writing this) and the dolphins do more entertaining tricks. Unfortunately none of our photos of the fishies turned out very well, but the aquarium is quite extensive and worth a look. Anyway, here's a sample of what's on offer.

No touristy establishment is complete without the photography service you can pay extra for.

Yep, they're just as ugly up close.

Crush lives here.

I don't know how much extra it costs to don an orange life jacket and see the dolphins jumping from up really close, but I bet it's kind of cool to do so.

The dolphins did some neat tricks with this woman, the most spectacular one being to throw her up really high out of the water (we didn't get it on camera). There's also a show in a different pool featuring seals doing balancing tricks and Pacific white-sided dolphins which swim really fast and do some cool stuff. The interesting thing about that show is that the pool is above ground with a glass wall so you can see what the dolphins are doing under water.

This is less exciting than it looks. But at least it shows you something of what else is there. Other animals include a few varieties of seals, a sea otter and Humboldt penguins (which stink).

Personally I prefer Awashima Marine Park, but this place is still worth a visit if you've got the time. Certainly the dolphin shows here are better, but I think that's the only thing it's got over Awashima.

*****
To get there, take the Kisho bus from stop number 8 on the south side of Numazu Station. It takes roughly half an hour, it's another stop or two past Awashima Marine Park, and it stops on the main road just outside the entrance.

Business negotiations, Japanese style

Our air conditioner and hot water system have packed it in, so after a few phone calls back and forth between our caretaker, landlord, the translating company and Daikin Air, I was told a service person would come around this afternoon so could I please stay home. OK, no problem.

At 3:00 this afternoon I get a phone call from Daikin Air. They are very busy today so they can't come until tomorrow. What time would be suitable?

Well we didn't get showers this morning, and Craig didn't have one yesterday either. So really, today would be suitable. But OK, first thing tomorrow would be great.

What time tomorrow morning?

9:00.

Until what time?

Huh? What do you mean until what time, I'll stay here as long as it takes you. How long do you expect it to take?

Maybe one hour.

OK. So 9:00 until 10:00 then. (Although I've caught on to what's really going on now... I'm in the middle of another one of those Japanese cultural experiences.)

And what other times would be suitable?

Bingo, I knew it. Sigh. In the afternoon, 1:00 is fine.

Until when?

Sigh. Any time from 1:00 is fine.

OK then. We will see you at 1:00 tomorrow. Thank you.

Well I'll say this much. At least a service person will show up at 1:00 tomorrow (which would not be guaranteed if this conversation was happening in Australia), and at least they called at 3:00 instead of 5:30. Right. I'm off to the park then.

In the manner of a river

I recently learned of a beautiful Japanese phrase. Kawa no ji mitai -- "in the manner of a river". The wider context is kawa no ji mitai nemasu, meaning "to sleep in the manner of a river". How on earth does one sleep like a river?

Like this. The kanji for kawa (river) is:

The two outer lines represent the riverbanks and the middle line is the river itself. Sleeping in this manner refers to co-sleeping; the river is the child, the banks are the parents. Isn't that a wonderful image?

I learned of this because Craig told me about a conversation he had with one of his work colleagues. They were talking about Elliott, within the context of how often he's waking at night, and it naturally came out that Elliott's in bed with us. Craig's colleague then explained that sleeping with babies is such a common practice in Japan that they even have this phrase for it.

Curious to find out if this was true or just what one person was saying, I did a little googling. I found this article which affirms it. It's a sociology essay comparing American and Japanese infant sleeping practices and how they reflect wider values of their respective cultures. And it mentions kawa:

The Japanese... emphasize the value of dependence as the primary socializing experience. The Japanese word for a common cosleeping arrangement demonstrates this value. "The custom of the child sleeping between the parents is referred to as kawa. Kawa is the Japanese character for a river flowing between 2 banks and kawa is therefore used to refer to the child sleeping between the protective support of the 2 parents."

And then I found this blog post which says pretty much exactly the same thing as the essay, only in a much more readable form. I just think that's cool.

A day trip from Numazu to Heda

Heda is a small town on the west coast of the Izu Peninsula. It has a "real" beach, which is its main attraction, and a few other features to keep the tourists coming. A small onsen, a smattering of temples, giant crabs, a museum of... something which I forget now.

We just spent the day walking around. The first hour was spent wandering the streets, stopping to check out the outside of the onsen (boring) and watch a mother and two kids feeding koi (those gigantic goldfish) in one of the local canals. Then we walked all around the bay to the beach area and spent the rest of our time hanging around there, and walking around the head of the bay too.

Heda is an isolated place that's apparently quite difficult to get to. It's only 28km from Numazu by road, but it's a very narrow and winding road so it'll take you at least an hour and probably longer if you get stuck behind someone slow. (Apparently it takes five hours to get to from Tokyo in the peak of summer.) We went by ferry; the "White Marine" departs from the northwest end of the Numazu port, takes half an hour and costs 2000 yen one-way. So it's pricey, but has some novelty value and quite spectacular scenery along the way.

Don't ask me how those people got to those rocks, but I think they were still there on our way back in the afternoon.

This beach gets packed out with people in summer. If it had been a clear day, you'd be able to see Mt Fuji in the background of this photo.

Cos she's a cutie.

Cos the pictures amuse me.

*****     *****     *****
The ferry timetable is hard to find on the internet; even harder to find in English. Your best bet is probably to just head down to the ticket office at the port (the room at the end of the dinky little building across and up the road a bit from the Fishmarket Taproom and Baird Brewery), or you could probably ask at the Taproom itself, since everybody speaks English there. We took the 9:00 a.m. ferry; the next one was at 11:00 a.m., but that was the timetable for spring and summer. It varies throughout the year. Going back, we took the last ferry at 3:15 p.m.

You haven't really LIVED in Japan until...

You've sat naked in a hot tub with some random strangers.

Yep, I went to a real onsen today. By choice -- sort of. My friend M suggested we go and I thought well hey, when we move home am I going to be able to look back on our time here and say yeah I did do some pretty interesting things, or not? So I took a deep breath and chanted "this is culturally normal, this is culturally normal, this is culturally normal" to myself, and even managed to act like I was perfectly fine with it.

And actually, I even enjoyed the experience. Not so much the naked bit per se, but standing in a room with women of all ages, shapes and sizes who were simply enjoying life and not being hung up over whether their thighs are too fat or their boobs are too small or the mole on their back is too big. There's something beautiful about four women in their seventies sitting naked in a hot tub, laughing together over some private joke, smiling and asking you in Japanese how old your kawaii little baby is.

Tell ya what though, it was a good reminder of the reality that one day I'm gonna get old and saggy. Everywhere.

A day trip from Numazu to Hakone

In June last year we took a day trip to Hakone. It's a very touristy area and a favourite haunt of Tokyoists wanting to get away from the big smoke for the weekend. I'm not going to say too much about it because the link I've provided here already says it all and then some. However, I will say one thing you won't read in the tourist brochures: Don't bring a pram/stroller/pusher. It's not a pram-friendly place. (It was the first time we'd taken Cassia anywhere without the Ergo, and it was such a pain not having it.)

You really need two or more days to see everything there is to see at Hakone, but here are some photos from the highlights of what we saw in our single day outing.

There's a ropeway that takes you to various stations around Hakone with some interesting scenery along the way -- this is a quarry in the mouth of an old volcano, complete with steaming bursts of sulphur, just near the Owakudani station.

At Owakudani you can walk (sans pram) around stinking sulphurous pools of hot water just for kicks, and eat eggs that have been boiled in sulphurous water to turn the shells black.

The view of Lake Ashi as the ropeway makes its descent to Togendai station.

You can get a ride on a pirate ship at Lake Ashi. Yes, it's as corny and tacky as it looks, but given that the very optimistically named Hakone Free Pass gives you access to them, you'd be loath to pass up an opportunity to go on one. Besides, it's a very long walk if you go around the lake.

After going through the Hakone Checkpoint, we kept walking and found this track leading to Moto-Hakone. Told you it wasn't pram friendly. But the walk itself is nice.

*****     *****     *****
How to get to Hakone from Numazu:

Get a train from Numazu to Odawara (you can do this via the local JR Tokaido line or you can take the Shinkansen from Mishima to Odawara), and then another train from Odawara to Hakone-Yumoto, which is the usual place people begin their exploration of the area on the Hakone Round Course.

An alternative is to get the train from Numazu to Mishima and then a bus from Mishima to Moto-Hakone if you want to start exploring Hakone from the other end. Sorry I can't remember the name or number of the bus, but someone at the JR ticket office in Mishima could tell you. It might even be covered by the Hakone Free Pass (not sure about that for the trip to Hakone, but I do know it applies for your journey home).

Cultural differences

There's a pediatric "hospital" (we'd call it a clinic) on our block. Knowing that at least one of its doctors speaks English, I went there today to find out if they would be willing to endorse Elliott's passport and Australian citizenship certificate photos. It means they have to write and sign a statement that this is a real photo of a real person.

I went up to the reception desk, where at least four young women were working. One of them greeted me. I smiled. "Do you speak English?" I asked.

Hesitation. They all paused what they were doing and looked at me. One of them said she understood a little. So I tried to explain as best I could. This is my son. He was born five weeks ago. We are Australian. I need to get his passport and Australian citizenship certificate. I need a doctor to sign the photos...

They all looked totally lost. I sighed. "Do you understand?" I asked.

"More slowly?" said one.
"Oh!" said another. "Chotto matte." She scurried around the desk and out into the busy waiting room. She asked a woman there to come over to me. The woman laughed shyly and looked embarrassed (well that's what her body language said anyway; like 95% of the people in the room, she had a mask on). They came towards me. "Engrish titcha," the receptionist beamed, and ran back to her desk. The Engrish titcha continued to demur. I repeated my explanation.

Pause. "Do... you... need to... see a doctor?"
"Yes. But not for health. Just for signature."
"Oh. For signature?"
"Yes. For signature."
"Not for health?"
"No. Not for health."
"Ah!" This seemed to clarify things. The Engrish titcha spoke animatedly in Japanese to the receptionists. They spoke back to her. She spoke to me.

"This... is... small hospital. You need big hospital for signature."
No. No I don't. Come on peeps, can you just forget you're Japanese for a moment and dare to make a decision for yourselves without consulting a higher authority just this once? Please? As a favour to me? I just need a signature. It's not that hard. Really, I promise.
The Engrish titcha explained where the big hospital is. I pretended I understood, because I couldn't be bothered continuing the negotiation and I had a rough idea which hospital she was referring to anyway. I gave up, said arigato a few thousand times, and left.

Now before you assume that this is an isolated event not necessarily typical of the culture here, the same thing happened to me yesterday when I went to a different medical centre and they told me their doctor couldn't sign, and that I should go to the pediatric clinic.

I wanna go home.